Logic In Your Stocking

Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas every….aw, fuck it. I am way too depressed for this happy, jolly bullshit. Sure, the holiday season has begun. Family members will get together. Gifts will be bought. Decorations will be hung. It should be a beautiful thing…but unfortnately this time of the year also triggers the annual right-wing freak-out over the so-called “War on Christmas”. It’s enough to drive Santa to the bottle.

This year, rather than sit back and let a bunch of paranoid evangelicals cram a holiday down our throats, I am fighting back. Along with a few friends, I’ve decided to bring a little perspective to the table. Here are the basic tenets of this blog:

There is no War on Christmas. Period. If you believe in it or if you spread fear of it, Santa is here to assure you: the War on Christmas is as real as I am.

All evidence supporting the existence of such a war is distorted at best and often fabricated. Our goal will be to examine this evidence as the season progresses. Facts and counter-arguments will be provided.

People who perpetuate the myth of a War on Christmas are assholes. They fabricate this so-called war for a variety of reasons, but in general these individuals are thin-skinned zealots who want to cram religion down our throats while cloaking their efforts in the sheep-skin of victim mentality.  Bill O’Reilly, John “Baby head” Gibson, Michelle Malkin: these are just a few of the worst offenders and, over the next few months, we’ll be dissecting their particular brand of crazy.

99% of the evidence for a “War on Christmas” fits into a single category: attempts to supress the display of Christian iconograpy. Santa wants you to pay attention now, okay? He’s going to speak very slowly: These attempts have an obvious and simple explanation. There is no reason to believe in a sinister, anti-religious conspiracy. Attempts to limit the diplay of Christian iconography are part of an age-old struggle over the seperation of church and state…and that’s it. That’s all there is to it. The policy and legal battles over this have never been focused on the holiday season, they take place year round. More importantly, it is an issue fought over equally by both Christians and secularists. Once the evidence is put into it’s proper context, it becomes obvious that there is no “war”. There is, instead, a debate, one that has been going on for a long time.

In closing: my gifts are going to be a little different this year. I’m not giving out DVDs, socks or leaf blowers. Sorry. I’m giving out logic. I’m giving out reason and I’m making sure there’s a place to escape the rampant holiday fear-mongering. If you are guilty of creating this fear- if you attempt to generate hysteria over a non-existent “War on Christmas”- Santa is here to knock that tin-foil hat off your fat little head.

Merry Whatever,

Santa